Jeannie Miller gave me a call last night while Lindsey was just finishing up group. She had a few concerns about the possibility of Lindsey cutting herself and since she is dual diagnosis, wanted me to make sure she didn’t run out of Lexapro.
But, in the course of the conversation, she did say that Matt and I are doing all the right things with Lindsey and Lindsey needs to take responsibility for her actions.
When I picked Lindsey up, she asked if we could talk, and of course I said yes. So, she asked me “What is the benefit of my attitude changing? I just don’t see the benefit.” And I told her she could have everyone one us bending over backward for her if she only adjusted the attitude. And, after she asked me again, rather than go back and forth, I just told her that she would have to learn the benefit of a good and positive attitude as I was unable to explain it to her in terms she would understand.
She asked me if I would take her to the craft store to buy some necklace making supplies so she could keep herself busy. So, we went and bought supplies. In the middle of the store, she threw her arms around me and promised she would try really hard. But, why do we take everything away from her? And I calmly explained, that if she really looked around her, we hadn’t taken anything but her texting capabilities.
But at the end of the conversation, she looked at me and asked me “Why do you make it so hard for me?” So my question is – am I the reason for all this, am I really making it hard of her? Will there be a day when she realizes I was only trying to guide her down the right path? If so, make that day get here real soon!
Anyway, she handed over her phone at 10 last night, got off the computer when I asked and crawled into bed. In fact, just as Matt and I were going to bed, we heard her talking. So, I headed upstairs quietly to see what was going on - she and Haley were screwing around and laughing rather uncontrollably. It brought tears to my eyes and one trickled down my face. Oh the sweet sounds of sisters laughing.
Now, we have to get her over the hurdle of instant gratification based on behavior – the bargaining to get what she wants.
kristen,
ReplyDeletesorry if i added to your frustration today. I have to check myself and remind myself that even tho i want so badly for linz to walk forward, she has to do it herself. who knows when/if she will turn the corner. It just sucks that she has been sober for this long and then gets put back into her old environment and starts moving in that direction. perhaps I'm wrong? it just seems that you are already throwing your hands up in the air. Not to point out the obvious, but the reason she doesn't like the word NO is because she never learned it. And instant gratification behaviour is the result of all the bribing throughout her whole life. Pay attention to these patterns in how you direct Haley and Will......perhaps you can avoid this difficulty with them! I love you and only wish the best for you and your family. Take care and keep in touch.