We had our family counseling session on Monday night, and Chrissy and Ann suggested that maybe it is time to let Lindsey do what she thinks she needs to do and let her go for the time being.
I was hoping to get to the bottom of things as to where she was over the weekend, but after she called me a B****, and added the word psycho to it, I sort of let the conversation go. I am tired of escalating discussions that get us no where.
She has, once again, gotten what she wants in some for or another. All of a sudden, she will be residing with her bio dad, yes, the one who has let her down over and over and over. She packed up a bad and I dropped her off Monday night. She said goodbye - I couldn't say anything. She said I love you - and I couldn't even respond. By that time I had swallowed my tongue.
The hopes and dreams I had for her and our relationship as she grew into adulthood were slammed shut right along with the car door. The tears blurred my vision as I backed out the driveway and she walked into their door.
And then I felt absolutely helpless and panicky - who will make her doc appointments, who will refill her medication, who will make sure she gets her homework done so she can graduate, who will order her cap and gown, who will take her places she needs to go?? All these things that she takes for granted that I just do flooded over me - honestly, who will take care of her?
And then later, I felt so angry. She called me and asked me not to be mean to Scott about this. When will she ever worry about me and what this has all done to me? She always worries about Ed and Scott. Yes, I am being selfish, but only briefly.
We need peace in our family, and I can only move forward and provide that for Haley, Will and Matt. It will take work and perhaps a fake, pasted smile - but we can get to where we should be - drama free.
I will always wonder where she was over the weekend, and I will always wonder if she fed Scott a line of BS to get out of treatment the first night she was over there - was it to avoid a random drug test? We will never know. We can only hope she grows up and takes herself down the path of success rather than destruction. We can only hope . . .
Matt has been supportive this last week and sent me this via email: "I know it is hard. But you have to have strength too and realize this is the best thing. She has 2 months until we have no control over what she does. If we spent those last 2 months controling ever little thing she does to stop her from finding the bad crowd, the bad stuff, etc. She would resent us even more and rebell even harder when she gets there. Now hopefully these 2 months of having no support from us will make her realize what she needs. Hopefully in time she will find some peace in her life and realize the importance of family. When she does she will be welcomed back into our lives with open arms."
Someday . . .
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