Lindsey was home for a day. She got situated with her outpatient stuff for when she returns home. We can only hope and pray she will use this tool and all its potential and will stay clean.
We leave today without her for our Mexican cruise. It was very hard to hug her good-bye knowing she can't go with. But, there will be plenty of years to come for all of us to have fun.
Please say a prayer for her this week and help her stay strong while we are gone.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Last night
Well, I set out to get Lindsey later than I expected, and once I hit the roads I realized I was not going to risk my life going over and both our lives coming back. It would have taken 6 hours. Armed with the decision of not going, I knew I had to call Lindsey.
Drum roll please. . . . you never know what kind of reaction you will get when you tell her something she doesn't want to hear.
Lo and behold I was pleasantly surprised. She reacted very adult-like, wow, what a treat! When we talked tonight I told her I was proud of her reaction, and she told me a counselor told her the same thing.
So, I am going to get her tomorrow night instead so she can meet with her school counselor and her outpatient people.
Drum roll please. . . . you never know what kind of reaction you will get when you tell her something she doesn't want to hear.
Lo and behold I was pleasantly surprised. She reacted very adult-like, wow, what a treat! When we talked tonight I told her I was proud of her reaction, and she told me a counselor told her the same thing.
So, I am going to get her tomorrow night instead so she can meet with her school counselor and her outpatient people.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Lindsey is making progress. . .
Lindsey is coming home tonight for a couple of days. Although the driving is tough and monotonous, it is very encouraging when she sets up appointments to better herself. She is going to meet with Sarah at school tomorrow in hopes that returning to school and graduating with her class is a possibility. She is meeting with her outpatient group as well.
Again, we can only hope she is getting on the right track. I am sure Haley will be shocked when she gets up in the morning, and Lindsey is here.
Will said randomly tonight, "I wish my Lindsey could go on the cruise with us." Breaks my heart to see such an attachment from one sibling to another knowing the one he adores can't be with him.
Again, we can only hope she is getting on the right track. I am sure Haley will be shocked when she gets up in the morning, and Lindsey is here.
Will said randomly tonight, "I wish my Lindsey could go on the cruise with us." Breaks my heart to see such an attachment from one sibling to another knowing the one he adores can't be with him.
Monday, January 12, 2009
The weekend is over.
Lindsey pressed her flowers we sent her this weekend. She seemed in good spirits and is starting to be more proactive in getting out and doing the right things when she does get out. I hope these actions are because she wants to change and not just to get out of treatment.
Haley found out Lindsey wasn't going on the cruise, and this caused a few tears. But, we keep telling her that Lindsey is only getting better and part of getting better will make her be a great big sister. She looks forward to the day when Lindsey can be that for her.
Haley found out Lindsey wasn't going on the cruise, and this caused a few tears. But, we keep telling her that Lindsey is only getting better and part of getting better will make her be a great big sister. She looks forward to the day when Lindsey can be that for her.
Friday, January 9, 2009
End of the week
Closing out a really tough week for us. For some reason, this has been extra-emotional for me. But, I remain positive. Maybe next week I will put some make up on. This week I knew it would run down my face in big, ugly black streaks. . . .
I talked with Lindsey this afternoon, and she seems a little more focused and a whole lot more positive. She started a self-help book a friend of mine sent her (thanks Kim) and really enjoys it and feels enlightened by some of the concepts.
There was a day when I told her a year or so ago to try reading some of these books and she didn't necessarily have to embrace every idea or thought, but could take bits and pieces and use them to help her. On that day, she told me to shove my self-help/motivational books up my ass. . . my we've come a long way.
We have a basketball tournament for Haley this weekend that I wish Lindsey could be at. But, Haley is little and her passion for basketball continues to grow with each practice and game. We have a whole lot of years to watch her and enjoy her enthusiasm for the sport. And, someday, she will have a big sister who will proudly be watching her from the stands.
I talked with Lindsey this afternoon, and she seems a little more focused and a whole lot more positive. She started a self-help book a friend of mine sent her (thanks Kim) and really enjoys it and feels enlightened by some of the concepts.
There was a day when I told her a year or so ago to try reading some of these books and she didn't necessarily have to embrace every idea or thought, but could take bits and pieces and use them to help her. On that day, she told me to shove my self-help/motivational books up my ass. . . my we've come a long way.
We have a basketball tournament for Haley this weekend that I wish Lindsey could be at. But, Haley is little and her passion for basketball continues to grow with each practice and game. We have a whole lot of years to watch her and enjoy her enthusiasm for the sport. And, someday, she will have a big sister who will proudly be watching her from the stands.
A new morning. . .
I was so apprehensive to call Lindsey last night after our conference call ended yesterday. But, I cannot go a day without talking to her. She sounded to quiet and defeated when we did hang up after the call, we could tell she was upset, but not raging mad.
She was quiet when she anwered, and I couldn't quite tell what she was thinking. They hadn't brought her flowers yet, so they went to look for them. They were yellow roses for her 5-month sobriety anniversary. Then she softly exclaimed, "oh there they are." She said they were beautiful and read the card aloud, "Congratulations on your 5-month anniversary of sobriety. We love you and we are proud of you, Mom and Matt." She was quiet for a minute and said, "I really want to be pissed at you, but I can't be." Has she had a small but powerful revelation that we are not trying to punish her but only helping her let go of the person she used to be and become and embrace the person she has so much potential to be? We can only hope.
She did have to laugh a little into the conversation - she can't take the flowers in her room because the vase is glass. And, the card was made out to Lindsey T. She said she will keep it forever.
Right now, she probably won't be going on the cruise, but that's okay. Hopefully she is building the foundation of a life that will keep her around for a very long time, and we will have many years to take vacations in.
She was quiet when she anwered, and I couldn't quite tell what she was thinking. They hadn't brought her flowers yet, so they went to look for them. They were yellow roses for her 5-month sobriety anniversary. Then she softly exclaimed, "oh there they are." She said they were beautiful and read the card aloud, "Congratulations on your 5-month anniversary of sobriety. We love you and we are proud of you, Mom and Matt." She was quiet for a minute and said, "I really want to be pissed at you, but I can't be." Has she had a small but powerful revelation that we are not trying to punish her but only helping her let go of the person she used to be and become and embrace the person she has so much potential to be? We can only hope.
She did have to laugh a little into the conversation - she can't take the flowers in her room because the vase is glass. And, the card was made out to Lindsey T. She said she will keep it forever.
Right now, she probably won't be going on the cruise, but that's okay. Hopefully she is building the foundation of a life that will keep her around for a very long time, and we will have many years to take vacations in.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Conference Call
We had a conference call today with Lindsey, her counselors, etc. Matt was able to express to Lindsey everything I felt as I couldn't even talk. I so hope that she someday she will realize we are doing everything we can in our power to help her, not make her mad or be stuck somewhere. Someday I hope she realizes how our love for her is so strong and fierce.
I am sure right now she thinks we are a bunch of idiots, but with our determination and persistence in helping her get better, I hope she looks at this some day as one of her biggest challenges and one that she came out of stronger than ever and a better person because of our insistency. She will persevere and be successful. I have faith.
It will be hard going on vacation without her as it looks like that will be the case. I will go feeling much guilt and sadness, but also with the realization that we have a whole life in front of us to vacation. I look forward to the day we can vacation with Lindsey, Haley and Will and laugh and love with shining eyes.
I am sure right now she thinks we are a bunch of idiots, but with our determination and persistence in helping her get better, I hope she looks at this some day as one of her biggest challenges and one that she came out of stronger than ever and a better person because of our insistency. She will persevere and be successful. I have faith.
It will be hard going on vacation without her as it looks like that will be the case. I will go feeling much guilt and sadness, but also with the realization that we have a whole life in front of us to vacation. I look forward to the day we can vacation with Lindsey, Haley and Will and laugh and love with shining eyes.
5 months!
Today is Lindsey's 5-month sobriety anniversary. But, with her alleged relapse, will they let her celebrate? Who knows. I sent her flowers, and I know that I will believe in her even though it is hard sometimes. If no one believes her - will she fall back into old ways wondering "why bother?"
We have a conference call with her and everyone involved in her life to figure out next steps for her. She really wants to come home and has lost focus on her real goal. That goal of getting healthy needs to be re-established.
I hope she realizes how proud we all are of her and how far she has come. I hope she knows that we do want her home when she is ready for sure. When she is ready, we are ready. We will open our arms willingly to her.
Her little sister cries so when she leaves after a pass. It's heart-breaking to watch. We just want to snatch her and Will up and take them to where no one will find them and protect them from all that can go wrong in their lives.
We have a conference call with her and everyone involved in her life to figure out next steps for her. She really wants to come home and has lost focus on her real goal. That goal of getting healthy needs to be re-established.
I hope she realizes how proud we all are of her and how far she has come. I hope she knows that we do want her home when she is ready for sure. When she is ready, we are ready. We will open our arms willingly to her.
Her little sister cries so when she leaves after a pass. It's heart-breaking to watch. We just want to snatch her and Will up and take them to where no one will find them and protect them from all that can go wrong in their lives.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
And it continues . . .
Last night I had myself a real pity party - I was washing dishes and watching the tears drop into the sink as I wondered "why me." I am healthy, my family is healthy (physically that is), but still. My daughter is addicted to crack, Coricidin and is a cutter as well. I stood there and cried as I thought of the last two years of lost time with not only me, but her sister, her brother, her step-father and everyone else who loves her.
Today we found out she has possibly relapsed - while on home visits no less. Am I that blind or does she not understand the grave consequences of drug use. What did I do so wrong that makes her want to harm herself or escape life so bad???
Today we found out she has possibly relapsed - while on home visits no less. Am I that blind or does she not understand the grave consequences of drug use. What did I do so wrong that makes her want to harm herself or escape life so bad???
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