Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Well, the waters of hell are flowing!

We had a rough weekend, and at this point in time, I can say I won't be leaving the house for quite some time. Lindsey was sick last week and didn't go to school part of Thursday either. She did get up and go to school on Friday, but she refused to stay here with Matt. So, she went over to her dad's. Haley had a basketball game Saturday, which she went to. Saturday night she spent the night at Elissa's.

By the time I got home on Sunday, she still wasn't home. I talked with her and let her know staying somewhere else was not an option. We were not going to be running from the problems she thinks she has at home.

Somewhere in all of this mess, she thinks we have all stopped believing in her. I guess, in her limited world, taking away a phone means no one believes her wanting to stay sober. She is coming on 7 months, and I remain so proud of her.

When she finally got home Sunday, we moped a little bit, but then she said, "Mommy, please don't ever go away again." I just wrapped my arms around her and felt her frame crumble toward my arms. I told her I wouldn't be going anywhere.

She told me she didn't use or cut this weekend, and I put her face in my hands and looked right at her and said, "I BELIEVE YOU!" I have faith that you would not do anything to derail herself.

Monday night Chrissy came over - we went through Lindsey's phone together and what was in there just made my heart sink. She had someone asking her to find hits of acid and $40 of coke. What's so funny, that after talking to this girl, I realize there are so many people who just don't get it! The girl said, "but it wasn't for me and it's not like I asked Lindsey to use it." Are people like her so dumb as to think that a person who is trying to stay sober should be automatically resist using drugs she went out and got and now has in her hands would not want to use them?? Wake the hell up people. What kind of support is that?? That is messed up.

Then, another girl, whom I thought was okay and who is raising a baby, asked for her to find her some marijuana. I am not okay with that, and Chrissy backed me up that we should be livid. So, before Lindsey can hang out with these kids, they all will be coming over here for a little bit of reality check. Lindsey can't be around that stuff and how much of a friend would ask her to find it??? I seriously can't comprehend!

Of course, homework didn't get done, she cried uncontrollably, and her school is worried about her too. Matt and I are remaining united, as that is all we can do. It breaks our hearts to see her go through this, and we can only say to ourselves that we are doing what we know is right.

It is so hard to focus at work. I remained strong for the past six months, although I don't know how, but I did. My marriage has taken a toll and our little kids have heard so much their little ears should not hear. We will keep doing the best we can, but all prayers are welcomed!

1 comment:

  1. kristen,
    its good you have a place to sort out your feelings....a blog can be like a journal like that. sorry about what you found in her phone. she has yet to turn the corner in terms of wanting NOTHING to do with using/users. It is TOTALLY fair that you contact those people and explain to them calmly and truthfully. lets talk soon. I strongly strongly encourage you to go with mom and dad to al-anon. it would really be helpful for you! you need the support of people who are going thru the same thing. tell linz i wanna chat. xxxken

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